sooo; i learned of some new news.. and its kinda excitinq.
im like a typical 20yr old; no idea what im doinq w me life SOOO;
i was thinkinq bout quitinq my job as lonq as i could find anothr one 1st.
maybee fulltime, bustin my nuts [fiqurative nuts ofcourse lmaooo]
but anyways, i found out im FULLY VESTED* at work.. my job puts
money away for us as we work there, the more we make, the more they save.
well; after 3yrs if yu decided to quit [or RETIRE as they say] whatever
money yu've accumulated [in STOCK] is pretty much handed to yu :]
well i've accumulated well over 1000 and althouqh i have a serious
& quite extensive shoppinq ADDICTION* i dont NEED much to survive.
so that cud last me for a month probably, as lonq as i dont shop much!
well; here's the next part.. im not much of an excitable person, and since
i dont know what to do with my life im not much determined to do anythinq.
but today i was forced to wake up 4hrs after i fell asleep to drop my lil
brother off at his little quitar music summer camp thinqyyy and i was
tiqht at first..but then i was listenin to the radio i heard the best thinq EVER*
so so so; the dj of one of my favorite hip hop stations here in orlando POWER95.3
is havinq open heart surqery [ofc we keep him in our prayers]
but they're takinq 1-2min video auditions for FOUR PEOPLE, one per week of july
[thats how lonq he'll be out on recovery] to cover his spot on the morninq show!
now; its silly to think i could be BIG off this; but everyone tells me i have a cool
ass personality, a nice voice [niqqas tell me i should work for one of those phonesex hotlines] lmaoo
& i think im pretty dope & have alotta shxt to talk about and whatNOT.
and anyways; im quna try out; and im actually MADDDD determined.
like i never really wanted anythinq so bad before; so todayy im quna brain storm
& then my cupcake [michelle] is quna do my hair;
and hopefully her & filando [her MANS] can help me think of some cool
shxt to put in my video to make me really stand out; i feel like i already will.
i dont think im quite like anybody else..but a little extra never hurt.. riqht?
well; im really quna do this . . . WISH ME LUCK! im fckin excited...
--killuh™
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY...MOM!
whas qood thouqh? i been doin a lot of thinkinq lately about my dad..
im 20 yrs old and up until now, aside from a few conversations with othr fam members..
i never really sat down and evaluated our relationship and how i felt about him.
since i have nothinq better to do and father's day is cominq up this weekend..HOW BOUT NOW!? lol
well; i quess ima just start from the beqinnin, my pops is a biq quy and wen i was
younqer he was the coolest, stronqest man in the world! he bouqht me the cool kicks my mom wudnt.
and i remember him workin a lot, but wen he had time he liked to do fun thinqs..
like one time, we went to one of the many parks in brooklyn and there was this lonq ass wall;
and me him and my brother nick walked the whole thinq and wen we qot to the end i was scared as fck
to jump off; and nick decided to push me lol, but my dad was there to catch me...and
back then i was madd little, so my dad was like a qiant; and at that time i felt MADD SAFE wid him.
my father always preached FAMILY FIRST to me; my parents made sure i was very close
with both sides of the family and i've always really appreciated that. when i learned how my father
cheated on my mom i was younq & foolish & not too much moved me so i didnt see how wronq he was.
soon later my parent qot a divorce and the funny thinq was, my mother never talked badly about
my father...she always allowed me to see him as the biq, stronq, smart, funny man i believed he was.
my mother and my father did their own thinqs and they both had children [with other people]
at about the same time... funny thinq is i remember how upset my father was with my mom
when he found out she was preqnant but didn't have the balls to tell my mom the woman he left her
for was in the same exact situation. he made my mother feel like shit; and now that i think about it,
he could have talked better on her behalf.
especially considerinq for the majority of my life my mother was both my mom and my dad...
i learned a lot later in life that when my parents had split the aqreement they made was to qo
half on everythinq; then why was my mother payinq for my catholic schoolinq alone, and why
is it that when i broke my arm my mom had to pay hospital bills, why is that we had NO HELP?
me, my mom, and my two little brothers lived in a tiny, two-bedroom apartment. my mom worked
little part time jobs and did what she could to make money, while qoin to school and still raisinq us.
sometimes i think back to one year when my mom's birthday came around and i wanted to save
up to qet her somethinq nice, but when there's no money cominq in, it's not like i qot an allowance
or anythinq, so her birthday came, all i had was four dollars.
i took a piece of paper and wrote my mom a letter tellinq her i was sorry, and that i wish i had more;
and that i hope she can atleast buy herself some lunch at work. and when she opened the letter and
read it we sat there toqether and cried. where were you then? but its okay...that was years aqo.
mami is a teacher now, she just finished school AGAIN and now has her master's deqree.
me and my stepdad miqht not always see eye-to-eye but he loves mami, and he qave me more than
a text messaqe sayinq HAPPY BIRTHDAY this year.
due to stupidness, his retarded wife, and stuff qoinq on in his head that i could never beqin to imaqine,
comprehend, or even WANT to understand...my father has completely seperated himself and "his family"
from the rest of the family. he's turned into a man i dont know...i still do and always will love my
father, and i respect him as well, but i can never respect how he left us, made my mother do everythinq
on her own when she was sick, and not beinq man enouqh to take care of his responsibilities.
i just want to thank you;
thank you for lettinq us be broke, allowinq us to miss rent payments and numerous other bills
thank you for makinq mom qo out and bust her ass and leave me home alone when i was 12 to
watch my brothers. thank yu for makinq us struqqle while yu continued to live your life without a care.
--i'm entirely sincere because yu made me stronqer, yu made me smarter, and yu made me a better
person...because i know better than to ever leave my family behind. i will ALWAYS be close to my
brothers and be there for them, i will never have a bad relationship with my mom. and i will always
be honest and i will always take care of my responsibilities and the people in my life who love me.
anyways; i'm quna end this before it just turns into an anqry mess;
i love my family, i love my close friends, and i love my life.
happy father's day to all the qood men out there.
and happy father's day to all the sinqle mama's who do the best they can SOLO DOLO.
peace && prosperityy;
killuh™
im 20 yrs old and up until now, aside from a few conversations with othr fam members..
i never really sat down and evaluated our relationship and how i felt about him.
since i have nothinq better to do and father's day is cominq up this weekend..HOW BOUT NOW!? lol
well; i quess ima just start from the beqinnin, my pops is a biq quy and wen i was
younqer he was the coolest, stronqest man in the world! he bouqht me the cool kicks my mom wudnt.
and i remember him workin a lot, but wen he had time he liked to do fun thinqs..
like one time, we went to one of the many parks in brooklyn and there was this lonq ass wall;
and me him and my brother nick walked the whole thinq and wen we qot to the end i was scared as fck
to jump off; and nick decided to push me lol, but my dad was there to catch me...and
back then i was madd little, so my dad was like a qiant; and at that time i felt MADD SAFE wid him.
my father always preached FAMILY FIRST to me; my parents made sure i was very close
with both sides of the family and i've always really appreciated that. when i learned how my father
cheated on my mom i was younq & foolish & not too much moved me so i didnt see how wronq he was.
soon later my parent qot a divorce and the funny thinq was, my mother never talked badly about
my father...she always allowed me to see him as the biq, stronq, smart, funny man i believed he was.
my mother and my father did their own thinqs and they both had children [with other people]
at about the same time... funny thinq is i remember how upset my father was with my mom
when he found out she was preqnant but didn't have the balls to tell my mom the woman he left her
for was in the same exact situation. he made my mother feel like shit; and now that i think about it,
he could have talked better on her behalf.
especially considerinq for the majority of my life my mother was both my mom and my dad...
i learned a lot later in life that when my parents had split the aqreement they made was to qo
half on everythinq; then why was my mother payinq for my catholic schoolinq alone, and why
is it that when i broke my arm my mom had to pay hospital bills, why is that we had NO HELP?
me, my mom, and my two little brothers lived in a tiny, two-bedroom apartment. my mom worked
little part time jobs and did what she could to make money, while qoin to school and still raisinq us.
sometimes i think back to one year when my mom's birthday came around and i wanted to save
up to qet her somethinq nice, but when there's no money cominq in, it's not like i qot an allowance
or anythinq, so her birthday came, all i had was four dollars.
i took a piece of paper and wrote my mom a letter tellinq her i was sorry, and that i wish i had more;
and that i hope she can atleast buy herself some lunch at work. and when she opened the letter and
read it we sat there toqether and cried. where were you then? but its okay...that was years aqo.
mami is a teacher now, she just finished school AGAIN and now has her master's deqree.
me and my stepdad miqht not always see eye-to-eye but he loves mami, and he qave me more than
a text messaqe sayinq HAPPY BIRTHDAY this year.
due to stupidness, his retarded wife, and stuff qoinq on in his head that i could never beqin to imaqine,
comprehend, or even WANT to understand...my father has completely seperated himself and "his family"
from the rest of the family. he's turned into a man i dont know...i still do and always will love my
father, and i respect him as well, but i can never respect how he left us, made my mother do everythinq
on her own when she was sick, and not beinq man enouqh to take care of his responsibilities.
i just want to thank you;
thank you for lettinq us be broke, allowinq us to miss rent payments and numerous other bills
thank you for makinq mom qo out and bust her ass and leave me home alone when i was 12 to
watch my brothers. thank yu for makinq us struqqle while yu continued to live your life without a care.
--i'm entirely sincere because yu made me stronqer, yu made me smarter, and yu made me a better
person...because i know better than to ever leave my family behind. i will ALWAYS be close to my
brothers and be there for them, i will never have a bad relationship with my mom. and i will always
be honest and i will always take care of my responsibilities and the people in my life who love me.
anyways; i'm quna end this before it just turns into an anqry mess;
i love my family, i love my close friends, and i love my life.
happy father's day to all the qood men out there.
and happy father's day to all the sinqle mama's who do the best they can SOLO DOLO.
peace && prosperityy;
killuh™
Friday, June 12, 2009
T. R. O. Y.
well; im sittin here on anotha day off watchin vh1 and their MANY countdowns.
and my favorite BY FAR is the 100 Greatest HipHop Songs :]
and omg son, this shit makes me soo happy, let me explain.
i got all these issues nowadays, monetary, family, so on and so on..
and as corny as it may sound; i def feel priveleged to have grown up in BrooklynNY.
as flawed as vh1's list is, i remember all of these songs coming out.
i remember every one of these tracks blaring out the boom box in the summer.
my pops would sit on the top of the stoop and jus play track after track.
and as hot as it was outside, we didnt go in til the sun went down.
sometimes im miserable, unhappy and whatnot, but its these times wen
i reminisce about how i grew up and im truly happy :] i love hiphop.
rap is something you do, hiphop is something you LIVE. its a culture..
this whole concept is often argued, but thats how i feel, the artists that dont sell out;
the artists that do what they love despite whats popular..they are HIP HOP ARTISTS.
and thats what i love, i love hiphop, and all of its elements:
the b-boys :] the the emcee's :] the dj's & what i hold most dear to my heart,
the GRAFFITI; as much as me and my father have drifted over the years..
i have nothing but respect for the shit he did back in the day; and even today
when i see him draw or just write my name for fun it gives me that corny warm feeling.
my dad's tag is KEYS and sometime wen im in NY i still be seeing some of his throwies.
that is the dopest shit ever to me, talkin about all this actually overwhelms a little.
i wish things could be the way the use to be; i wish i could go back in time
and try and appreciate all the culture that surrounded me just a little bit more.
well; im guna go listen to these feel good jams and just chill..
and fa all my old school funky heads out there; one. two. three. GET LOOSE NOW!
lmao; have a good one my loves.
peace& prosperityy ♥
--killuh™
and my favorite BY FAR is the 100 Greatest HipHop Songs :]
and omg son, this shit makes me soo happy, let me explain.
i got all these issues nowadays, monetary, family, so on and so on..
and as corny as it may sound; i def feel priveleged to have grown up in BrooklynNY.
as flawed as vh1's list is, i remember all of these songs coming out.
i remember every one of these tracks blaring out the boom box in the summer.
my pops would sit on the top of the stoop and jus play track after track.
and as hot as it was outside, we didnt go in til the sun went down.
sometimes im miserable, unhappy and whatnot, but its these times wen
i reminisce about how i grew up and im truly happy :] i love hiphop.
rap is something you do, hiphop is something you LIVE. its a culture..
this whole concept is often argued, but thats how i feel, the artists that dont sell out;
the artists that do what they love despite whats popular..they are HIP HOP ARTISTS.
and thats what i love, i love hiphop, and all of its elements:
the b-boys :] the the emcee's :] the dj's & what i hold most dear to my heart,
the GRAFFITI; as much as me and my father have drifted over the years..
i have nothing but respect for the shit he did back in the day; and even today
when i see him draw or just write my name for fun it gives me that corny warm feeling.
my dad's tag is KEYS and sometime wen im in NY i still be seeing some of his throwies.
that is the dopest shit ever to me, talkin about all this actually overwhelms a little.
i wish things could be the way the use to be; i wish i could go back in time
and try and appreciate all the culture that surrounded me just a little bit more.
well; im guna go listen to these feel good jams and just chill..
and fa all my old school funky heads out there; one. two. three. GET LOOSE NOW!
lmao; have a good one my loves.
peace& prosperityy ♥
--killuh™
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
shxt just aint riqht..
i dont even know what to say..
i havent written in forever and there are NO words.
i just dont feel the same anymore; i hate being inside my own head.
i've been smoking a lot & i like that it makes me not think about too much.
but i don't wana smoke that shit everyday...
i'm just scared, cause i'm at that point with booqieman, where it usually
starts to go downhill.. he could lie, and talk to a million other girls;
and it wouldn't surprise me one bit, cause this is what i'm use to.
and as this pattern plays out AGAIN, i cant say shit to him..
because once i express anything, its taken out of context and used against me.
i just feel like this is guna be a bad day. so let me go get ready for work..
--shit is guna suck, i can already feel it...
wudeva;
--killuh™
i havent written in forever and there are NO words.
i just dont feel the same anymore; i hate being inside my own head.
i've been smoking a lot & i like that it makes me not think about too much.
but i don't wana smoke that shit everyday...
i'm just scared, cause i'm at that point with booqieman, where it usually
starts to go downhill.. he could lie, and talk to a million other girls;
and it wouldn't surprise me one bit, cause this is what i'm use to.
and as this pattern plays out AGAIN, i cant say shit to him..
because once i express anything, its taken out of context and used against me.
i just feel like this is guna be a bad day. so let me go get ready for work..
--shit is guna suck, i can already feel it...
wudeva;
--killuh™
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