ALL I WANT IS YOU #SUGAR

#JOEschmo

DEAR MR. HAYES,

i never dreamt the day would come that i would meet the man of my dreams. but from the moment you walked into my life i knew there was something truly special about you. having dealt with so much negativity in my past relationships i've been forced to put up this wall to guard my heart. but being the strong man that you are you tore that shit down, and stepped right in. i had been missing something for a long time and you just fit in that empty spot so perfectly. you amaze me everyday just a little bit more than the day before...as corny as it sounds, if i could have built a perfect man he'd be YOU.

you share my ideals, you are smart, motivated, driven, and you make want to be a better person for myself and for you. you've shown me what its like to be truly happy, to be free, and to be loved unconditionally. i can't imagine living without you now that i know how it feels to have you in my life. i've always had to take care of other people, and to be able to finally breathe and know that i'm taken care of for life has lifted the weight of the world from my shoulders and freed me in ways you'll never know. the feeling i get just hearing your voice is a feeling that i'm not willing to ever give up. i'm selfish with you baby, i refuse to share you.

i plan to keep you around forever, i want to build a family, a comfortable home, and a beautiful life with you. i want to give you the children you've always wanted, and the care and love you deserve. i promise to do everything in my power to keep a smile on your face. i promise to be honest, loyal, and fully devoted to our life together and the beautiful relationship we are buiding... we have a million plans and you are my motivation for all that i do positive from now on. i've never met a more beautiful person in my life.

don't ever walk away, because now that i know what it's like to have you i refuse to be without you. you inspire me. i love you until my last breath.

#iWANAHOLDYOURHAND.

i've always been a bit of a romantic, i love to believe in fairy tale love stories..

i never realized that the only time i have a hard time believing is when the story is my own.

no man has ever been my prince charming, the only character i ever meet is the boy who cried wolf. and i became the wicked fuckin witch... a broken heart can only hold up for so long.

it starts to become easier to be the bad one, the one who steals men, ruins relationships

& then leaves the nigga behind with nobody. as sick as it sounds; hurting one man almost feels

like your gettin revenge on all the ones who hurt you in the past.

but i'm off that; in a few days my feelings, and honestly, my entire outlook, has changed.

nobody has ever had as great an impact on me in such a short amount of time, or any

length of time to be real. he shares my ideals, he appreciates me and little things

about me that nobody else ever really took the time to notice, and he has the desire and

capability to fill in the parts of my life that are lacking. he wants to give me what i cannot
provide myself, and i want to make him happy...

he's like a missing puzzle piece, something i cannot lose because now that he's here i can't

go back to where i was; we can only move forward and i pray that we do so together.

i just want to hold his hand !

#fml #fyl

i'm at this weird place in my life where things are good and bad at the same time.
i always get like this; i can truly say i cant remember a time when everything was good.

i just want.. BALANCE !

#i'mBAAAACK.

i've always prided myself on being real..

when i was broke and had nothing i couldnt let anybody stand in the way of my getting what i wanted.

and now that i'm on the road to where i wanna be and my path is clear...

i'm realizing that there are a few people i haven't been fully honest with.

don't get me wrong, i haven't lied, i've never been a liar and i won't start now.

but maybe i haven't told the entire truth, it's probably because i haven't been 100% honest with myself.

since i was last here on blogger, which has been a minute... sorry :'[

so much has changed in my life. i have a job that i love SOOO MUCH.

i'll have a car soon and i just got a full-time spot so hopefully i'll be out on my own soon too!

with all the good that is finally going on, i still don't feel completely at ease in my mind.

i feel single, but there's one person i want in my life, and i speak to him as often as possible.

he should be here and he isn't, so i feel like i need to do my own thing to spare myself...

i'm extremely torn, i don't wana meet new people and ruin what we have, but i don't wana

hold on to something that may never be. i'm extremely skeptical and i don't want the stress

or added pressure. i don't wana be the one to have to hurt somebody.

ugh; i'm venting. my first post back to the blogosphere should've been more positive.

when i think of something good to talk about i'll be back, and when i get things on track

i'll definitely try and get back to writing everyday!

love you all who haven't left my side despite my being MIA :D

peace && prosperity to all.

I'M SOOO SRRY BLOGGER !

- i've been slacking on my blog.
- i've been slacking on checkin on my other FAVE blogs.
- i got a new job & i've been training for 2 weeks :D
- i got someone who loves me entirely.
- i need to dye my roots desperately.
- its only 8pm and i'm tired already.
- tomorrow is new yrs eve and i plan on doin it BIG!
- i truly believe 2010 is my year.
i know this blog sucks right now; but i had to give a little update;
just so you all don't lose faith in me...i'll be back in 2010 to make things right and put some focus into this blog!

#AMEN.

pic via THE SEGMENT

THIS IS FOR ALL YU NICKI MINAJ DICKRIDERS;
I TOLD YOU SO!
NOTHING ORIGINAL ABOUT THE BITCH.
KIM IS STILL/ALWAYS WILL BE QUEEN B!
& NICKI IS NOTHING BUT A BAD-CLONE.

SERPENTINA :D

sooo; i LOVE cake boss on TLC; i DVR it every monday nite.
& tonite was an extraaa special episode; because not only
did they do a cake for the CONEY ISLAND SIDESHOW :D
but my cousin SERPENTINA "the snake lady" was their.
yes! my literal cousin; flesh & blood :D i've always admired
her, she's so different & its SO beautiful to me.
she's super tall; like a PUERTO RICAN AMAZON CHICA :D
&& she has a wild split tongue; and she doesnt give a FCK!
and thats why i love my cousin SERPENTINA OR..stephanie<3 lol

thats her ! beautiful righ? well; im off now;
&& ill update latr since i been MIA lately.
peace && prosperity babies :]

this made my dayy :D

Major Lazer "Zumbie" ft. Andy Milonakis

enjoy !

#CARTIERuniverse!

[ Click Pic to visit Site. ]

spaghetti & meatballs
peanut butter & jelly
sneakers
my pretty eyes
milk & cookies
ren & stimpy
& BOOBS :]

great things come in pairs & this is another
pair that will go down in history.
not only best friends, but partners in crime & business..
MICK & MAC CARTIER are my new favorite DUO :]
i know nowadays everyone is a fashion expert,
a photographer, graphic designers & all kinds of shxt!

but these two have created something GREATER than all that.
they are the proud parents of CARTIER ROBOT [CRBT] &
its movement; they dabble in everything from fashion,
to photography, to music, to art & ERRYTHANG IN BETWEEN :]
they are in the process of bulding a strong team & following.
& if thats something yu can get behind .. fckin DO IT!

twitter contacts:
mickyeezy
maccartier

down for the #CAUSE !.

as a proud member of the hiphop community
& one who is always searching for the hottest
progressive artists to return hiphop to its
earlier, and dare i say, BETTER days...
i am happy to anounce the release of this album.





rapper CAUSE drops his album I AM US today
and you can d/l it by clicking here or on the album!
trust me; you won't regret giving this a listen.
this album is like a breathe of fresh air.
i truly miss hearin rap like this.

FOR MORE INFO:
[these are clickables.]
follow CAUSE on TWITTER;
and also check him on the SPACE!

thas enough outta me; make sure yu check out CAUSE :]
this message is MOST DEFFF approved by killuh™

i thought i needed a signature;

so i made one lol :]

wutchu think ??

yummmmmm;CHRISETTEMICHELLE!

♥ absolutelyyyy LOVE! her voice makes me weeakk!
- killuh™

til wednesday...

its ok yankees; we got them wen we get home to the BX :]

im callin the world series earlyyy; YANKEES ALL DAAAY <|3

soooo where are the philles fans now ?
we got one game left to win & we got IT!
i mean; WE ARE NOT LOSIN THIS SHIT IN THE BX!
esp after the way we disrespected the phillies in their HOME.
LMAO
the best thing about me & my yankees..
we talk shit wen we're UP or DOWN;
phillies fans r in hiding right now; MEGA puss. haha
don't mind me; i'm just hype because when its 4-4 in the
top of the 9th and damon steals 2 bases at once [amazing!]
& posada & a-rod bring in two MORE runs...
& then MARIANO RIVERA closes the bottom of the 9th
with the quickness as he did.. C'MON! it was a GREAT GAME.
lol anyways i just had to get some of this hype
outta my system; thanks for listenin babies..

<3 MADDDD YANKEE LOVE

-killuh™

SMOOTHoperator.

i'm tired of being angry;
i'm tired of being sad.
i need to get off my ass, stop feelin bad for myself
& start makin moves. i have to pay my student loans,
pay my phone bill, and focus my attention toward things
that are going to make me feel better. i need to make
sure my lawyer hurries shit along & i get paid soon.

but for now; i'm just using slow music & relaxation
to keep my stress level down. i'm so overwhelmed
lately that i can literally feel my heart racing;
my eyes watering; my muscles getting tense...
i hate being this angry person. that's not me!

i wanna go back to being the killuh™ i was before...
happy, full of jokes, inspired, laidback, loving,
funny, and lately IDGAF about any of that.
so i'm listenin to the slow jams, wishin people made
that good, close-your-eyes, rest-your-head, release music!
since good music is pretty DEAD nowadays; i settle
with the oldies; but GREATies. lol; the classics!

todays pick is the ever-talented; super-beautiful..
SADE!

as old and played as 'smooth operator' is; that song is
so beautiful to me. it makes ma body dance a little;
but my mind release ugly thoughts & tension.

for now i'm just guna watch my yankees murk the phillies
[not so good for stress relief lol but i gotta support]
i still can't bare to go outside & take a pic of my car,
its so ugly & sad lookin : [ my poor baby..
maybe tomoro !

peacebby.
-killuh™

ps; just found this pic of sade;
ALLhomo .. she was bad as fckkkk. lmao

#thesearemyCONFESSIONS

i need some retail therapy;
i'm an addict and i'm goin thru withdrawals, BUT;
my credit is fucked, my wallet is on E.
& i have no car to get to the mall,
the outlets, or even some boutiques...
i can't take this shit anymore !

:[

#fml...fa real though.

i am not in my right frame of mind.
i'll explain why i've been away tomorrow;
because i feel like you all need pictures
to understand my pain.

right now; i am overwhelmed and i need to let it out.
i'm sad. i'm angry. i'm confused. i'm scared.
i feel vengeful and even slightly depressed.
my stress is ridiculous, my anxiety is at its highest.
i don't wana do my hair; i don't wana go anywhere.
and even if i really did; i cannot.
i feel like at this moment in my life...i'm empty.
i have no car, i have no ideas, no inspiration,
i'm not ME; i'm outside of myself, this isn't me..

until tomorrow; i sleep.

SRYY I BEEN SLACKIN;

i need to stop slackin and stick to writing everyday;
cause way too much goes on in my life..and just in my head
for me to let days go by without releasing it all...

well; wednesday nite i'd had the plan to go downtown to check
out this lounge [AKA Lounge on E.Pine St.] and see my homegirl
Jade and watch her man Socky do some of the sickest live-art i have
ever seen. it was a real chill scene, people were dancin, talkin, relaxin,
havin some drinks, smoking and all that.
which also made me decide...
lounges are made for 21+ yr olds LMAO; cause my young ass needed a DRANK!
anyways; i was glad when i got there to have a good time politicin bout
lame orlando boys and the perfection that is NY fall weather & bullshittin
wid Jade & her homegirl Grissel..who is super silly & fun!

well; i rode out there with my highschool friend Danielle, LOVE HER!
& after chillin at the lounge for quite some time watchin this ONE
RANDOM WHITE MAN tear up the dance floor with his 1/2 top-rockin,
1/2 pop-lockin & 100% amazingness we decided we were hungry so we BOUNCED!
we had giant slices of pizza, talked, and walked around downtown.

OVERALL; despite everyones attempts at ruining my night and blowing me off;
me and dani had a good nite and even ended the nite by givin a bum 4BUCKS :]
i think i know why i like downtown soo much; there are so many dudes
tryna holla, so many bums, so many people it reminds me a bit of NY !

since WED. i havent really done shit, but work [finallyy] and get
told off my grandmother today on her bday; i told her to stop treatin my
mother like shit and she told me shes too old to deal wit MINE or anybody
else's bullshit; so i dont need to call her anymore...
awesome right? thats def just one example of how my family operates.

anyways; i wish i'd taken pics wed but i did not...so i have no prettiness
to show you on this blog. if yu'd like to hear something good though;
Andrew AKA Doza says he's guna marry me, and im holdin him to that!
andddd he may even get me a plane ticket to come see him MAYBEEEE..
maybe is better than nothing though. and i say, if youre guna have
any kind of love..his is the best :D

peace&prosperityyyyy.
killuh™

The dirty secret about sex is...sex is NOT dirty at all.

Upon conversation with a friend, I've discovered that sex is beautiful,
and its an extremely important part of a relationship.

Some people find it difficult to communicate with their lover, but when
making love, they can say and express anything they're feeling. Some
people use sex as a comfort, it relieves stress, its good exercise [if
done correctly] and what's better...sex can be fun. Joke during sex, do
silly shit, laugh, sex should never feel like a chore.

The best part of it all is though, when sex is with someone you love or
care for, it can be so passionate and...well, sexy, that nothing else
matters. He doesn't care about that 5 lbs you gained, and you shouldn't
care about his. Cause when you're makin his eyes roll to the back of his
head, trussst, you're the most beautiful woman on earth : ]

sex is my favorite hobbie <3
peace&prosperity..
--killuh™