damn; its been a long time : [

well; its been way too fckin long.. i kinda drew back from talkin about
my life [esp my love life] here on blogspot cause it was interfering w my relationship.
but since i dnt think i really have much of a relationship left.. i'm BACK!
i wish i'd never stopped writin cause i feel like i have TOO much to speak on.
i got a lot of stress to get off my chest;

MY CURRENT MOOD : depressed; stressed, hurt... all that.


so i found out before i went to NY apr4-15 that my man had anotha girl.
yepp; his excuse was, he was afraid i'd hurt him again so..thas why he kept her.
like a dumbass i didnt end it there, i let it go cause idk..i felt like; im goin up
north and he's guna see me and this is all guna change.. silly me!
two days before i left florida he blew up on me & almost decided to not see me
all because i, ina joking way, mentioned i should be able to see otha niggas durin my vaca.
i didnt mean, i had no intentions on seeing anybody but him...
eventually he got over it, i got to BKLYN Sat, Apr4 and Sunday i saw him : ]
the day was...for lack of a better word, PERFECT. and i was so blinded by the
cute boyfriend shit he was doin [holdin my hand, kissin me, payin for movies]
keep me from gettin down the shit that i needed to know..
the day after we chilled there was anotha episode..anotha drama filled day
with him and that disgusting bxtch. and again, i let it go..cause HE LOVES ME.

we finally saw eachother the monday before i left, and wana hear something funny?
i knew it was guna be something.. and GUESS WHAT, with no fail..the next day;
she was back at her games, and so was he. he's a horrible person...
and he was beggin me to not let it go..and i had this email written for 2days;
the night i got back from NY [wed, Apr15] i sat with my bestfriend & hit SEND.
and he called; we argued; he insulted me by sayin she wud do anythin fa him &&
he's not sure i would.. i gave shit up for yu & yu couldnt do one thing for me ??
is she worth losing ME; clearly...without words bein said.. i know the answer.

now; im jus tryna chill, tryna keep him outta my head.. its hard.
i love him, i fucked up in the past, but i righted my wrongs & this is how it goes?
this is LOVE ? its a sad sad thing to love someone who doesnt give a fuck about u.
but ima go get ready to go out tonite..ima jus try & stay positive.

peace && prosperityy.
--killuh™