ALL I WANT IS YOU #SUGAR

#JOEschmo

DEAR MR. HAYES,

i never dreamt the day would come that i would meet the man of my dreams. but from the moment you walked into my life i knew there was something truly special about you. having dealt with so much negativity in my past relationships i've been forced to put up this wall to guard my heart. but being the strong man that you are you tore that shit down, and stepped right in. i had been missing something for a long time and you just fit in that empty spot so perfectly. you amaze me everyday just a little bit more than the day before...as corny as it sounds, if i could have built a perfect man he'd be YOU.

you share my ideals, you are smart, motivated, driven, and you make want to be a better person for myself and for you. you've shown me what its like to be truly happy, to be free, and to be loved unconditionally. i can't imagine living without you now that i know how it feels to have you in my life. i've always had to take care of other people, and to be able to finally breathe and know that i'm taken care of for life has lifted the weight of the world from my shoulders and freed me in ways you'll never know. the feeling i get just hearing your voice is a feeling that i'm not willing to ever give up. i'm selfish with you baby, i refuse to share you.

i plan to keep you around forever, i want to build a family, a comfortable home, and a beautiful life with you. i want to give you the children you've always wanted, and the care and love you deserve. i promise to do everything in my power to keep a smile on your face. i promise to be honest, loyal, and fully devoted to our life together and the beautiful relationship we are buiding... we have a million plans and you are my motivation for all that i do positive from now on. i've never met a more beautiful person in my life.

don't ever walk away, because now that i know what it's like to have you i refuse to be without you. you inspire me. i love you until my last breath.

#iWANAHOLDYOURHAND.

i've always been a bit of a romantic, i love to believe in fairy tale love stories..

i never realized that the only time i have a hard time believing is when the story is my own.

no man has ever been my prince charming, the only character i ever meet is the boy who cried wolf. and i became the wicked fuckin witch... a broken heart can only hold up for so long.

it starts to become easier to be the bad one, the one who steals men, ruins relationships

& then leaves the nigga behind with nobody. as sick as it sounds; hurting one man almost feels

like your gettin revenge on all the ones who hurt you in the past.

but i'm off that; in a few days my feelings, and honestly, my entire outlook, has changed.

nobody has ever had as great an impact on me in such a short amount of time, or any

length of time to be real. he shares my ideals, he appreciates me and little things

about me that nobody else ever really took the time to notice, and he has the desire and

capability to fill in the parts of my life that are lacking. he wants to give me what i cannot
provide myself, and i want to make him happy...

he's like a missing puzzle piece, something i cannot lose because now that he's here i can't

go back to where i was; we can only move forward and i pray that we do so together.

i just want to hold his hand !

#fml #fyl

i'm at this weird place in my life where things are good and bad at the same time.
i always get like this; i can truly say i cant remember a time when everything was good.

i just want.. BALANCE !

#i'mBAAAACK.

i've always prided myself on being real..

when i was broke and had nothing i couldnt let anybody stand in the way of my getting what i wanted.

and now that i'm on the road to where i wanna be and my path is clear...

i'm realizing that there are a few people i haven't been fully honest with.

don't get me wrong, i haven't lied, i've never been a liar and i won't start now.

but maybe i haven't told the entire truth, it's probably because i haven't been 100% honest with myself.

since i was last here on blogger, which has been a minute... sorry :'[

so much has changed in my life. i have a job that i love SOOO MUCH.

i'll have a car soon and i just got a full-time spot so hopefully i'll be out on my own soon too!

with all the good that is finally going on, i still don't feel completely at ease in my mind.

i feel single, but there's one person i want in my life, and i speak to him as often as possible.

he should be here and he isn't, so i feel like i need to do my own thing to spare myself...

i'm extremely torn, i don't wana meet new people and ruin what we have, but i don't wana

hold on to something that may never be. i'm extremely skeptical and i don't want the stress

or added pressure. i don't wana be the one to have to hurt somebody.

ugh; i'm venting. my first post back to the blogosphere should've been more positive.

when i think of something good to talk about i'll be back, and when i get things on track

i'll definitely try and get back to writing everyday!

love you all who haven't left my side despite my being MIA :D

peace && prosperity to all.