distractions...just me, my sidekick & my thoughts.
i was guna write yesterday cause i was feeling some type of way, and i
didn't, but i shall now. i really like to reflect, it makes me realize a
lot of shxt about myself.
well, men walk in and out of my life so often it tends to not hurt so
bad anymore. i just assume its my fathers fault that i am the way i am,
you know, the typical "my father ruined me" shit. one thing people
should know about me is that i love hard, i want one person to give as
much as i do. i want to be in an equal relationship, yu might make more
money than me and take care of me financially, but then allow me take
care of yu at home.
i want sex just as much as you do, so ima always make yu feel good, i
love seeing a smile on your face, so ima always do little things to
surprise you and keep you loving me...i wana lay down with you and rub
ya tummy after i cook you the best meal you ever had. i WANT to take
care of someone, and i want someone to take care of me as well.
is it too much to ask to have somebody who wants to make you a priority?
or fuck that...even a factor? well, as often as ive talked to a man and
thought, could he be the one? cause you know, they're all perfect in the
beginning...for some reason, i feel a little different this time. well,
like i so often do, ima give this man a nickname, we'll call him beefy.
haha.
beefy and i have only been talkin for a short time, but as naive and
foolish as this may seem, it really seems different this time. [famous
1st words of a relationship bound to fail lol] but honestly, it may be
the fact that ive been miserable with my entire life for MONTHS now, but
he makes me feel good. ive never been with someone who makes me feel as
special and important as he does..
now that i think about it; there are a lot of NEVER's that ive NEVER
experienced with "boys" from my past, ive never had someone do something
special for me...just because. I've never had someone really surprise me
with something I like just cause they thought it would make me smile. I
never went on a date where a man wasn't tryna impress me with the very
thoughtless & typical "dinner & a movie" ...and then expect to get the
goods cause he thought it was a job well done. all my past relationships
have lacked passion, spontaneity, and i just can't remember the last
time somebody wanted to make ME happy.
beefy is really something else, and i know that everyone seems great at
first and it takes time before true colors have a chance to shine
through...but it just has to be right.
he has to be the one to get me out of this rut that ive been in for so
long...as cheesy as it may sound, i don't feel so lost with him. he
makes me realize a lot about myself, he lets me speak..and he doesn't
judge me.
im still confused about a lot of shit going on in my life, but its nice
to have ONE THING i can count on. there is sooo much craziness and
instability in my life, its comforting to know that this person might be
that little bit of consistency that I've needed for awhile now.
so, to my beefy, i wana thank yu. whether you're in my life for 2 weeks,
2 months, a year, or if yu decide to spend it all with me...i appreciate
now. i don't care about your past, i care about OUR present; and as time
goes on and we see where this is guna lead us, we'll check out the
future : ]
peace &prosperityy;
--killuh™
PS; i have loooots on my mind & i gotta vent !
ima probably write again later, so check that out :]
-->>Sent from KillUH™'s T-Mo Sidekick®
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