love... and what happens when you've found it <3

so explain to me how i have a 102 fever but im layin in bed shiveringg ??
my arms, legs, toes & fingers r frrreezing but my head, neck & chest r burnin up!
i hate bein sick.. influenza's a biiitch! anddd to top it off; its THAT time :(
cramps. fever. headache. freezingg. achyy. runny nose. congestion. &cramps ! fck !
wellll; enough of me feelin bad for myself..

so; i dont know whether or not to continue puttin out my relationship issues
on here anymore, i often post on myspace for people to add me on here &&
check out whas goin on in the life of killuh™ and phresh occasionally reads..
this has only been a problem once cause he was reading about me talkin to
other guys wen we split last time; and i figured if he read it from time to time
it might help us out cause maybe he'd realize how i was feelin about shxt.
well; GUESS AGAIN. once again what i intended is kickin me in the ass..
so, like i said im sick, at home, alone, and all i really wana hear is my baby's voice..
i called.. he was mad about some shxt that had nothing to do with me, and wen
i asked if he wanted to call back wen he wanted to talk he muttered something like
"whatever u want!" and "i never wana talk to yu" so me.. im sick.. and teary..
& i jus keep tellin him.."baby, please talk to me.." he tells me about some shxt w/
his mom thats goin on & i didnt understand so he tells me "u never understand!"

now i'm confused as to why is he SO mad at me, WTF did i do? and he's like...
"so, who told u my bestfriend was over here yesterday?" and i explained myself.
WHY THE FCK DO I NEED TO EXPLAIN MYSELF? why are yu turnin my blog
around and makin me look bad? why didnt you feel the need to tell me? did yu
not think i would be a little confused as to why yu needa be hangin wid some other
female? let me go out and find a male bestfriend and see how u react...

SINCE YOUR PROBABLY GUNA READ THIS ONE TOO..
tell me why yu were so mad i knew she was at ur crib? but yu had no concern
whatsoever as to the fact that i still have so many concerns and issues with this
relationship? what am i to yu? if that bitch asked if yu had a girl wud yu say yes?
does ur so-called bestfriend even know who the fck i am? and why is it that we
cant spend more than 20min on the phone without yu knockin out? am i that
unimportant that yu cant stay awake to work some shxt out? i bite my
tongue for yu? i look past my own integrity simply to keep us from fighting...

yu know the kind of person i am, i never gave a fck, but i care so much about yu
& us and makin shxt right that I'M NOT EVEN MYSELF ANYMORE! who am i?
i wana be good to yu and good for yu and i wish yu cud tell me that i havent tried.
i've tried my hardest, and yu said yu wanted this to? but im startin to think u dont.
make the other girls disappear? i did it for yu without any regrets.. are they that
important..and am i that unimportant? i just dont understand...

anyways; thats jus me venting, and YES i will continue to post about my relationship
for people idk to critique me and give their ideas and opinions until he learns to
take me into consideration and stays awake long enough for us to resolve some probs.
ur not gettin rid of me that quick BLOGSPOT!!

as for phresh; i love you with all my heart and i want this to work.
i dont think there is much else to say, i want it to just be "us"
just you and me baby... "ever thine, ever mine, ever ours."

ohhh; hell, im watchin sex& the city..forgive me :] lol..

love yu's
peace &&prosperityy..
killuh™


PS; i wana fckin puppy, pref a POM-KIE (pomeranian-yorkiee mix] & ima get that!!
determination bxtches.