HAPPY FATHER'S DAY...MOM!

whas qood thouqh? i been doin a lot of thinkinq lately about my dad..
im 20 yrs old and up until now, aside from a few conversations with othr fam members..
i never really sat down and evaluated our relationship and how i felt about him.
since i have nothinq better to do and father's day is cominq up this weekend..HOW BOUT NOW!? lol

well; i quess ima just start from the beqinnin, my pops is a biq quy and wen i was
younqer he was the coolest, stronqest man in the world! he bouqht me the cool kicks my mom wudnt.
and i remember him workin a lot, but wen he had time he liked to do fun thinqs..
like one time, we went to one of the many parks in brooklyn and there was this lonq ass wall;
and me him and my brother nick walked the whole thinq and wen we qot to the end i was scared as fck
to jump off; and nick decided to push me lol, but my dad was there to catch me...and
back then i was madd little, so my dad was like a qiant; and at that time i felt MADD SAFE wid him.

my father always preached FAMILY FIRST to me; my parents made sure i was very close
with both sides of the family and i've always really appreciated that. when i learned how my father
cheated on my mom i was younq & foolish & not too much moved me so i didnt see how wronq he was.
soon later my parent qot a divorce and the funny thinq was, my mother never talked badly about
my father...she always allowed me to see him as the biq, stronq, smart, funny man i believed he was.
my mother and my father did their own thinqs and they both had children [with other people]
at about the same time... funny thinq is i remember how upset my father was with my mom
when he found out she was preqnant but didn't have the balls to tell my mom the woman he left her
for was in the same exact situation. he made my mother feel like shit; and now that i think about it,
he could have talked better on her behalf.

especially considerinq for the majority of my life my mother was both my mom and my dad...
i learned a lot later in life that when my parents had split the aqreement they made was to qo
half on everythinq; then why was my mother payinq for my catholic schoolinq alone, and why
is it that when i broke my arm my mom had to pay hospital bills, why is that we had NO HELP?
me, my mom, and my two little brothers lived in a tiny, two-bedroom apartment. my mom worked
little part time jobs and did what she could to make money, while qoin to school and still raisinq us.

sometimes i think back to one year when my mom's birthday came around and i wanted to save
up to qet her somethinq nice, but when there's no money cominq in, it's not like i qot an allowance
or anythinq, so her birthday came, all i had was four dollars.
i took a piece of paper and wrote my mom a letter tellinq her i was sorry, and that i wish i had more;
and that i hope she can atleast buy herself some lunch at work. and when she opened the letter and
read it we sat there toqether and cried. where were you then? but its okay...that was years aqo.
mami is a teacher now, she just finished school AGAIN and now has her master's deqree.
me and my stepdad miqht not always see eye-to-eye but he loves mami, and he qave me more than
a text messaqe sayinq HAPPY BIRTHDAY this year.

due to stupidness, his retarded wife, and stuff qoinq on in his head that i could never beqin to imaqine,
comprehend, or even WANT to understand...my father has completely seperated himself and "his family"
from the rest of the family. he's turned into a man i dont know...i still do and always will love my
father, and i respect him as well, but i can never respect how he left us, made my mother do everythinq
on her own when she was sick, and not beinq man enouqh to take care of his responsibilities.

i just want to thank you;
thank you for lettinq us be broke, allowinq us to miss rent payments and numerous other bills
thank you for makinq mom qo out and bust her ass and leave me home alone when i was 12 to
watch my brothers. thank yu for makinq us struqqle while yu continued to live your life without a care.

--i'm entirely sincere because yu made me stronqer, yu made me smarter, and yu made me a better
person...because i know better than to ever leave my family behind. i will ALWAYS be close to my
brothers and be there for them, i will never have a bad relationship with my mom. and i will always
be honest and i will always take care of my responsibilities and the people in my life who love me.

anyways; i'm quna end this before it just turns into an anqry mess;
i love my family, i love my close friends, and i love my life.

happy father's day to all the qood men out there.
and happy father's day to all the sinqle mama's who do the best they can SOLO DOLO.

peace && prosperityy;
killuh™